Great Dad Jokes

It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 40 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering.

Never tell a secret in a cornfield. There are too many ears...

My friends claim I'm the cheapest person they ever met. I'm not buying it.

I'm a scientist studying the effects of THC on shorebirds and I'm very thorough. I'll leave no tern unstoned.

I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane. We're currently filming the pilot.

I married my wife for her looks, just not the ones she's been giving me lately.

Why was it called the dark ages? Because of all the knights!