Great Dad Jokes

Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you. Genue: weurd but alrught.

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.

While visiting the museum, I saw my ex girlfriend standing across the hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was just too much history between us.

I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October. I call it my jingle bell rock.

I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up Fish and Chips on the way home from work and she hung up on me. She's still mad she let me name the kids.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you? "Pop", goes the weasel.

My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt. I told him, "it was just ground this morning!"