Great Dad Jokes

I’m trying to convince my wife to get me a Segway for my birthday, but every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

Me: Did you steal my thesaurus? Horse: nope

I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. I watched it all unfold.

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that's probably why.

I met my wife on a camping trip. Some people say she's unattractive, with a bland personality, but I find her pretty in tents.

Mom used to feed me alphabet soup because she said I really liked it. I didn't though, she was just putting words in my mouth.

James Bond once slept right through an earthquake. He was shaken, not stirred