Great Dad Jokes

My friend claims that he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, and I didn't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

My wife accused me of having zero empathy. I don't understand why she feels that way.

A guy just told me that my wife and my daughter look like sisters. It's like they were separated at birth!

My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond. That's a lot of pressure...

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. It's an extremely rare dish order.

The problem with Nearly Headless Nick is that he’s a poorly executed character.

After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate. It was the father, son, and the goalie host.