Great Dad Jokes

My kids grew up and don't listen to me anymore. Now they’re just somebody that I used to no.

I've got a friend who is obsessed with Santa's helpers. He's so elf centered!

My friend makes a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes. It's like shooting fish in apparel.

Did you hear about the viking Rudolph the Red? He looked outside and said it was going to rain. His wife asked, "What makes you say that?" He replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Did you guys hear they're changing the definition of a kilogram? It's a MASSive change.

People used to be nicer. These days, the average person is mean.

What’s more expensive, a ladder or a diamond? The latter.