Great Dad Jokes

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed. Tomorrow, I'm returning this piece of junk to Ikea...

I was gonna tell a time travel joke, but you didn't like it.

The guy who stole my diary died today. My thoughts are with his family.

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend. They're both cauldron.

My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.” That was not a good sign...

I've been telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. I'm all about raisin awareness!