Great Dad Jokes

I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there.

I made a graph about my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two...

The only good time to yell “I have diarrhea” is when you are playing scrabble because it is worth a buttload of points.

Our water pipes were leaking and we couldn't figure out why, so we called a plumber came. Bad news: Our tree had grown into the pipes underground. Good news: we found the root cause.

I'm not looking forward to seeing this new constipation movie. It hasn't come out yet, but I bet it's crap.

I can tell if people are judgmental just by looking at them.