Great Dad Jokes

Captain Hook is single-handedly my favorite Disney villain.

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with goats. Meh.

I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad. It's not my fault they didn't have any windows.

It's been 3 months since eating Tide Pods. My doctor finally gave me a clean bill of health.

Why didn't the shark want to fight the octopus? He knew the octopus was well armed!

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.

I just had a near sex experience. My wife flashed before my eyes.