Great Dad Jokes

My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry, I'll return!

If you put your left shoe on the wrong foot it's on the right foot.

Mom used to feed me alphabet soup because she said I really liked it. I didn't though, she was just putting words in my mouth.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.

Never trust a fisherman. They're always angling for something.

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal he will be rolling in his grave!

There's something wrong with my touchscreen, but I can't put my finger on it.