Great Dad Jokes

They say Nietzsche was the father of existentialism but the Ancient Egyptians were the first nihilists.

I just signed up for my works 401k, though I'm not sure I can really run that far...

Why doesn't the sun go to college? It already has 27,000,000 degrees.

The people at the gym call me a fat loser. I'm glad they can see I'm putting in a lot of effort.

What do you call a small mother? A minimum.

Customs officers might not always agree with you, but they can see where you're coming from.

My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry, I'll return!