Great Dad Jokes

I just deleted all German names off my phone, it's now hans free!

I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite, but I ended up picking 7 Up.

I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest. It's his altar ego.

My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

A man is at a funeral for an old friend. He approaches the dead man's wife, and asks if he could say a word. The wife says yes, and the man stands up, clears his throat, and says "Bargain". The wife smiles, and says "Thank you, that means a great deal."

I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "they're right behind you."

My friend said they didn't understand cloning. I said, "that makes two of us."