Funny Dad Jokes

I’m trying to convince my wife to get me a Segway for my birthday, but every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. I watched it all unfold.
I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor. I suppose it's probably a knight mare.
I tried to start a group for guys with Erectile Dysfunction, but nobody was up for it.
My wife found out I was cheating after she found all the letters I was hiding. Now she won't play Scrabble with me anymore.
I once met a drunk ventriloquist who I think wanted to hook up with me, but I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
Mom used to feed me alphabet soup because she said I really liked it. I didn't though, she was just putting words in my mouth.
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