Funny Dad Jokes

My wife is mad that I keep introducing her as “my ex-girlfriend”

All these black hole articles just keep sucking me in!

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work!

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? He conditioned it.

I've developed a phobia of negative numbers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

My friend claims that he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, and I didn't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

A guy just told me that my wife and my daughter look like sisters. It's like they were separated at birth!