Funny Dad Jokes

I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus from Amazon that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how disappointed I am.

My wife always says the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I love her to death, but she's a terrible surgeon.

What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two...

I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

Why don't cows wear flip flops? They lactose.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

How much does a pirate pay for ear piercings? A buck an ear.