Funny Dad Jokes

I tried to explain to my son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. He still won't stop making fun of me though.

Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message online...

Why don't cows wear flip flops? They lactose.

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they are. They were Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Sting was kidnapped. The police have no lead!

My kid wanted to get a spider from the pet store, but they are really expensive. I can get a real cheap one off the web.

If you don't pay your exorcist bills do you get repossessed?