Funny Dad Jokes

Every time I wash my contacts in water my eyes sting horribly. I don't know what to do. If only there was a solution!

A new study shows that listening to Queen albums can actually be bad for your health due to their unusually high Mercury content.

What is a pirate's favorite musical note? The high C!

Would anyone be interested in being my companion? Asking for a friend.

My kids grew up and don't listen to me anymore. Now they’re just somebody that I used to no.

I was just at a plastic surgery addict anonymous meeting. I was disappointed to see a lot of new faces.

Shout out to anyone who doesn't know what the opposite of in is.