Funny Dad Jokes

You can't tell a pun to a kleptomaniac. They take everything literally.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.

Yesterday, I crossed a road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is turning into a joke.

Mom used to feed me alphabet soup because she said I really liked it. I didn't though, she was just putting words in my mouth.

There's something wrong with my touchscreen, but I can't put my finger on it.

My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Every time I wash my contacts in water my eyes sting horribly. I don't know what to do. If only there was a solution!