Funny Dad Jokes

Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Because he doesn't want to be spotted.
You can't tell a pun to a kleptomaniac. They take everything literally.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Yesterday, I crossed a road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is turning into a joke.
Mom used to feed me alphabet soup because she said I really liked it. I didn't though, she was just putting words in my mouth.
There's something wrong with my touchscreen, but I can't put my finger on it.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.
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