Funny Dad Jokes

Don't be worried about your smart phone and TV spying on you. Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?” He said "vet? I am completely soaking!"

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.

How do you cut an ocean in two? With a see-saw!

How do trees go online? They just log-in.

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone...

I just got back from a Transformers convention and boy are my arms tires.