Funny Dad Jokes

I'm not looking forward to seeing this new constipation movie. It hasn't come out yet, but I bet it's crap.

I hate terrible massages. They just rub me the wrong way.

I asked the officer how the hackers escaped. He said, "No idea, they just ransomware."

The barber had just closed right when I got there. I didn't make the cut.

I just had a half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and they won. So today I'm wearing pants to take them to school.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have cooked it at aloha temperature!

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair, but then she sat on it. Eventually, she came around.