Funny Dad Jokes

A cop left a nice note under my wipers to let me know I'd parked my car correctly. It said "parking fine".
My new sweater kept building up static and shocking people. So I exchanged it for another free of charge.
I bought a value laxative at the pharmacy. It gave me a good run for my money.
Why is it faster to steal second base than third base? Because there's a short stop between second and third.
Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas.
The only thing flat-earthers fear, is sphere itself.
You can't tell a pun to a kleptomaniac. They take everything literally.
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