Funny Dad Jokes

I just quit my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice!

To the person that stole my Microsoft Office license, I will find you. You have my Word.

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!” She is watching our wedding video again...

I’m sick and tired of my wife constantly complaining about me sitting around doing nothing. I’m not going to stand for it.

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

Due to the quarantine, I'll only be telling inside jokes now.