Funny Dad Jokes

A man called his twin brother from prison. He says, “hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”

I failed my fire safety course when I was asked what steps I would take in the event of an explosion. "Really big ones" wasn't an acceptable answer.

Why did the ketchup blush when they opened the fridge? Because it saw the salad dressing!

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"

I went to the store the other day to by some camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

When lego stores open back up it will be insane. People will be lined up for blocks.