Corny Dad Jokes

My car battery just quit working. I guess it had a terminal illness.

A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46. The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”

I accidentally drank invisible ink. I'm in the hospital now waiting to be seen.

Does Hawaii allow loud laughs, or just a low ha?

What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me.

A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?” The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”

My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets. The cops arrested him for attempted murder.