Corny Dad Jokes

My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy. I just don't see it.

My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets. The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

Seven has "even" in it. That's odd...

I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me old, and handed me his iPhone. Well, the spider is dead, but his phone screen is cracked now!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two

What do you call a belt of watches? A waste of time.

Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer.