Corny Dad Jokes

My wife left me because of my obsession with astrology. I guess I should have seen the signs.

People say circumcision doesn’t hurt, but i have to disagree. I was circumcised when I was born and couldn’t walk for nearly a year.

Shout out to old people. Otherwise they can't hear you.

My wife hates it when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up!

Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales!

I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint. He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!