Corny Dad Jokes

What did the chemist do when he felt unsafe? He went to his compound.

My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.” They're basically just big raisins.

What is the difference between a step stool and a 3D printer? The former is a ladder, while the latter is a former.

I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused. Now I'm in hot water with the japanese mafia!

How much does it cost to kill Tony Stark’s family? One Buck.

I was staying in a hotel in Madrid, when I got very sick. I was too sick to go to a hospital or even get out of bed. So I called downstairs at the desk for help, and they sent up a doctor. After giving me some medicine, I quickly began to feel better. I asked him why this hotel even had their own doctor. He smiled and said "nobody expects the Spanish inn physician"

I just had a half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and they won. So today I'm wearing pants to take them to school.