Corny Dad Jokes

My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was a danger to himself and udders.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.
There's something wrong with my touchscreen, but I can't put my finger on it.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Where does the president keep his armies? In his sleevies.
I think the girl at grocery store register likes me. She's always checking me out!
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
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