Dad Jokes

My son is using a calculator, a spreadsheet, an abacus and a slide rule to work out 32/8...he's got a lot to answer four.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory, I mean, all I did was take a day off.

I was going to tell a banana joke, but it's not appealing.

I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite, but I ended up picking 7 Up.

Ever since my wife and I bought a waterbed, we've slowly drifted apart.

I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend and he said, “I like it well done.” I said, "Thanks, that means a lot."

If I don't perfect human cloning I won't be able to live with myself!