Dad Jokes

My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry, I'll return!

Customs officers might not always agree with you, but they can see where you're coming from.

What do you call a small mother? A minimum.

The people at the gym call me a fat loser. I'm glad they can see I'm putting in a lot of effort.

Why doesn't the sun go to college? It already has 27,000,000 degrees.

I just signed up for my works 401k, though I'm not sure I can really run that far...

They say Nietzsche was the father of existentialism but the Ancient Egyptians were the first nihilists.