Dad Jokes

I have to confess, this isn't my real hair. It's a toupee passed on to me from my dad. It's kind of a family hairloom.

My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

My doctor told me that my brain was forgetting everything about 80's music. When I asked him what The Cure was he seemed even more concerned!

Took the shell off my racing snail today. Thought it might speed him up, but if anything, it made him more sluggish.

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater

Smoking will kill you and bacon will kill you, but, smoking bacon, will cure it.

Bullets are really weird because they only do their job after they’re fired.