Dad Jokes

My friend David just lost his ID. Now we just call him Dav.

What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park your car man

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

A man is at a funeral for an old friend. He approaches the dead man's wife, and asks if he could say a word. The wife says yes, and the man stands up, clears his throat, and says "Bargain". The wife smiles, and says "Thank you, that means a great deal."

My wife said I'm lacking empathy. I don't understand why she feels that way!

What do you do if you are attacked by a group of clowns? Go for the juggler.

At any given moment, the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.