Dad Jokes

A mime broke is left arm in a bar fight and got arrested. He still has the right to remain silent.

My wife called me apathetic, like I should care...

My doctor said I have a serious problem with vocalizing my emotions. I can't say that I'm surprised.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."

"Do you expect me to bleach?" "No, Mr Bond. I expect you to dye."

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag's a big plus.

We lost our father after an accident, because we couldn't remember what blood type he had to tell the EMT. Dad kept screaming for us to "Be Positive", but it's really hard with him gone.