Dad Jokes

No matter how many bad choices I make my doctor never gets angry. He has lots of patients.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith today. As soon as I got home it made a bolt for the door.

I complained about my coffee tasting like mud and the barista told me it was fresh ground.

I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex." He's a small arms dealer.

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!” She is watching our wedding video again...

I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said "sure, knock yourself out."

My friend said they didn't understand cloning. I said, "that makes two of us."