Dad Jokes

I can tell if people are judgmental just by looking at them.

I'm not looking forward to seeing this new constipation movie. It hasn't come out yet, but I bet it's crap.

Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died. It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders.

What do you call a soda researcher? A fizzisist!

Our water pipes were leaking and we couldn't figure out why, so we called a plumber came. Bad news: Our tree had grown into the pipes underground. Good news: we found the root cause.

The only good time to yell “I have diarrhea” is when you are playing scrabble because it is worth a buttload of points.

What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two...