Dad Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who was late to the cannibal party? He got the cold shoulder.
I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100. I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.
I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking. Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
Puns make numb. Math puns make me number.
My baby just swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles. The next diaper change could spell disaster.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can then wear it on your head because it's now capsized.
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