Dad Jokes

Why do riot police go to work early? To beat the crowd!

What’s more expensive, a ladder or a diamond? The latter.

People used to be nicer. These days, the average person is mean.

Did you guys hear they're changing the definition of a kilogram? It's a MASSive change.

Did you hear about the viking Rudolph the Red? He looked outside and said it was going to rain. His wife asked, "What makes you say that?" He replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

My friend makes a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes. It's like shooting fish in apparel.

I've got a friend who is obsessed with Santa's helpers. He's so elf centered!