Dad Jokes

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have cooked it at aloha temperature!

My son asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression. I said, “Absolutely!” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman!” He replied, “Thanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"

What do lawyers wear to work everyday? Their lawsuit!

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

I ate four cans of alphabet soup...then had the biggest vowel movement ever.

A mime was arrested after getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm. He still has the right to remain silent.

Does anybody know if you can donate a skin graft from your butt to someone who isn't a relative? Arse skin for a friend.