Dad Jokes

My wife was pretty upset when she found out my nickname in college was “The Love Machine”. I was just really bad at tennis.

I went swimming with the dolphins yesterday and had an amazing time with them. We just clicked.

A vegan told me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? He conditioned it.

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair, but then she sat on it. Eventually, she came around.

Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career. I haven't heard from him since.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work!