Dad Jokes

How do you measure a red hot chili pepper? You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.

A man called his twin brother from prison. He says, “hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”

What do you call a misbehaving spaceship pilot? An Astro-naughty!

Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite. When I got home, I realized I only picked seven up.

What did Delaware? Maybe a New Jersey? I don't know, but Alaska.

What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time? Toot-in-common!

My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan. It was like I had never seen herbivore!