Dad Jokes

I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying. I can also tell when they are standing.

A new study found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

My wife is a former bodybuilder. We've got the kids to prove it.

If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?

I've been trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament but it's really difficult. Good players are hard to find.

No matter how many bad choices I make my doctor never gets angry. He has lots of patients.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith today. As soon as I got home it made a bolt for the door.