Dad Jokes

I married my wife for her looks, just not the ones she's been giving me lately.

I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane. We're currently filming the pilot.

I'm a scientist studying the effects of THC on shorebirds and I'm very thorough. I'll leave no tern unstoned.

My friends claim I'm the cheapest person they ever met. I'm not buying it.

Why do nurses carry around red crayons? In case they have to draw blood!

How do you say "'Sup Dog?" in Japanese? Konichihuahua

Never tell a secret in a cornfield. There are too many ears...