Dad Jokes

I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October. I call it my jingle bell rock.
While visiting the museum, I saw my ex girlfriend standing across the hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was just too much history between us.
We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
I recently sued the airline after they misplaced my luggage. I lost my case.
As a baby I was too large for the stork. I had to be delivered by a crane.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.
Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you. Genue: weurd but alrught.
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