Dad Jokes

My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets. The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy. I just don't see it.
My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock's paper scissors.
Are people born with a photographic memory? Or does it take time to develop?
Disney is releasing a version of Tangled with an alternate ending where Rapunzel's hair isn't chopped off at the end. They're calling it the uncut edition.
When lego stores open back up it will be insane. People will be lined up for blocks.
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