Dad Jokes

My kids grew up and don't listen to me anymore. Now they’re just somebody that I used to no.
I've been telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. I'm all about raisin awareness!
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.” That was not a good sign...
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend. They're both cauldron.
The guy who stole my diary died today. My thoughts are with his family.
I was gonna tell a time travel joke, but you didn't like it.
Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed. Tomorrow, I'm returning this piece of junk to Ikea...
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