Dad Jokes

My boss says they're going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch that it's gonna be me.
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
Every time I wash my contacts in water my eyes sting horribly. I don't know what to do. If only there was a solution!
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
Do you know what the least spoken language in the world is? Sign language!
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket. You can hide, but you can't run!
My girlfriend really changed when she became vegan. It was like I had never seen herbivore.
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