Dad Jokes

I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me old, and handed me his iPhone. Well, the spider is dead, but his phone screen is cracked now!
A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?” The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
Seven has "even" in it. That's odd...
My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets. The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy. I just don't see it.
My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock's paper scissors.
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