Dad Jokes

As a baby I was too large for the stork. I had to be delivered by a crane.

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.

Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you. Genue: weurd but alrught.

If H2O is Water and H2O2 is Hydrogen Peroxide, What is H2O4? Drinking

For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office. I can't tell you how much this award means to me.

I recently joined a nudist colony. The first week was the hardest.

What do you call it when a bunch of crows go camping? Murder within tent.