Funny Dad Jokes

I only let my kids play the intro's to computer games, it's character building.

Why didn't the shark want to fight the octopus? He knew the octopus was well armed!

Don't throw your tissue away there, its snot recyclable.

What did the chemist do when he felt unsafe? He went to his compound.

Why do seals swim in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career. I haven't heard from him since.

I sleep with a bat under my bed. Just in case someone breaks in and wants to learn about echolocation.