Funny Dad Jokes

Don't be worried about your smart phone and TV spying on you. Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?” He said "vet? I am completely soaking!"

How do you cut an ocean in two? With a see-saw!

How do trees go online? They just log-in.

Historians have proved that people from every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic… Except Leo

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone...

I just got back from a Transformers convention and boy are my arms tires.