Funny Dad Jokes

Ever since my wife and I bought a waterbed, we've slowly drifted apart.

I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite, but I ended up picking 7 Up.

A semicolon broke the law; it was given two consecutive sentences.

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater

At any given moment, the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

Broken bridges really annoy me. I just can't get over them!

I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "they're right behind you."