Funny Dad Jokes

The guy who stole my diary died today. My thoughts are with his family.

I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection. She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

I just spent a whole bunch of money on a limo only to find out it didn't include the driver. All that money, and nothing to chauffeur it.

I have been so bored without any sports due to COVID-19, so I have resorted to watching worms getting killed in my back yard by birds.... The Cardinals are leading the Blue Jays 5-3

My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.

Seven has "even" in it. That's odd...

Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas.