Corny Dad Jokes

I've developed a phobia of negative numbers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.

If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.

My friend claims that he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, and I didn't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

A guy just told me that my wife and my daughter look like sisters. It's like they were separated at birth!

My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond. That's a lot of pressure...

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. It's an extremely rare dish order.