Corny Dad Jokes

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with goats. Meh.

It's been 3 months since eating Tide Pods. My doctor finally gave me a clean bill of health.

Why didn't the shark want to fight the octopus? He knew the octopus was well armed!

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.

I just had a near sex experience. My wife flashed before my eyes.

I made a graph about my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

The only good time to yell “I have diarrhea” is when you are playing scrabble because it is worth a buttload of points.