Corny Dad Jokes

My son is using a calculator, a spreadsheet, an abacus and a slide rule to work out 32/8...he's got a lot to answer four.

Last night my wife and I watched two movies back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV.

A man is at a funeral for an old friend. He approaches the dead man's wife, and asks if he could say a word. The wife says yes, and the man stands up, clears his throat, and says "Bargain". The wife smiles, and says "Thank you, that means a great deal."

I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "they're right behind you."

A new study shows that listening to Queen albums can actually be bad for your health due to their unusually high Mercury content.

Robber: “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” Teller: "Don't you mean history?" Robber: "Don't change the subject!"

A man with authority walks into a bar and orders everyone a round.