Dad Jokes

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE!

My friend went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him. He just can't part with it.

Bouncer: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline..."

I just had a half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and they won. So today I'm wearing pants to take them to school.

I was staying in a hotel in Madrid, when I got very sick. I was too sick to go to a hospital or even get out of bed. So I called downstairs at the desk for help, and they sent up a doctor. After giving me some medicine, I quickly began to feel better. I asked him why this hotel even had their own doctor. He smiled and said "nobody expects the Spanish inn physician"

How much does it cost to kill Tony Stark’s family? One Buck.

I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused. Now I'm in hot water with the japanese mafia!