Dad Jokes

My car battery just quit working. I guess it had a terminal illness.
How do trees go online? They just log-in.
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46. The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me old, and handed me his iPhone. Well, the spider is dead, but his phone screen is cracked now!
A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?” The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
Seven has "even" in it. That's odd...
My roommate tried to keep two crows in our apartment as pets. The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
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