Dad Jokes

My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough. He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer.

What do you call a belt of watches? A waste of time.

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two

My car battery just quit working. I guess it had a terminal illness.

How do trees go online? They just log-in.

A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46. The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”