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I just got fired from a job where I made six figures last year. They said I was the worst employee at the toy factory.
I don't have a dad bod. It's more of a father figure.
Why don't cows wear flip flops? They lactose.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows a bit high today. She looked surprised.
The worst thing about driving for Uber is all the people talking behind your back.
If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”, they get really ticked off.
My wife asked me to stop singing Wonder wall to her. I said maybe...
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